I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize