I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
