I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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