my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
