dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
