His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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