All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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