3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
