Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
