Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
