i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize