she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
