He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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