quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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