Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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