hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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