five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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