I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
