Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
