u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
