$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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