When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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