Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
