: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
