1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
