I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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