I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
