Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
