Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
need another drink. this is the easiest way
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
