I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
