I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
