i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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