First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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