Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Buhtt sex?
I smell stomach acid.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
