I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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