Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
