Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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