'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
