I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
