I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think my vagina is haunted
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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