if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize