does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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