Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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