after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
