giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
