Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
