I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
