Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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