What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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