.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
