Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
