i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
