I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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