I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
