She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
