I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
