Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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