we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
