You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
