...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
