She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
