So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
