thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
