So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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