You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
