He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
