so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
