Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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