god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
