:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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