Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize