Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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