WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
